You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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