Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
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We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He better not be in your backpack
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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