Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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