wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
