how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
