I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
