i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
