does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
