I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
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no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
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I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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