my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
