Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize