A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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