so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
its liver damage thursday
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
