I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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