6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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