She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
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I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
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I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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