oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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