Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
