YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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