fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
