I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
