Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
