Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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