What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
