If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
