hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
