i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
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her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We left the knife in your bed.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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