I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
