I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
