Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
