Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
