dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
tell me about the fingering
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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