Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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