dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i think im in europe. pls send help
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
