yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
