D3 body, D1 cock
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My bed smells like the plague
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