it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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