He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
