try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
