I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize