So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
