so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
