dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
