If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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