i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You took a bar mat shot.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
