ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
