What a fucking waste of an outfit
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
