did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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