Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
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I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
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I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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