if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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