guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Are we still banned from the library?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
