My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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