Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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