We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
