His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
