Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
