why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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