I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
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Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
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we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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