she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
