you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Randomize
