if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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