i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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