Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
