My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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