dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
