Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
