Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
