friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
