Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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