Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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