guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
