I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
