Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
