Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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